Sometimes my grandson shouts at my daughter, "I want food!!!!" My inner urge is to say to him, "Ask Mummy nicely, say please." Its what I was told, and what I told his mother when she was small. But my daughter hears what he is saying and responds calmly and asks what he would like to eat. I am so proud of her. And, of course it's pasta. No salt. No sauce. With the right spoon.He chose the right mum.
I really liked reading this. The way you’ve told it feels very real, and it all comes through clearly. And the pasta order with its exact rules made me smile.
You are spot on as usual. The phrase can be compassionate and affirming or ableist and dismissive. The pendulum swing gives me whiplash and you’ve articulated it beautifully.
Yes, that swing is real. The same words can steady someone or silence them, and the piece came from trying to show how sharply that turn can land. Thank you.
My mother always said „only people who speak can be helped“ when I simply could not communicate with words. I wanted to speak even less when she said that phrase, because I wanted to speak when I want to. Not when I’m forced to.
…here I am 20 years later, never asking for any help and (surprise) having an autism diagnosis since 3 years.
Beautifully written. Words matter but they're not THE most important aspect of communication, especially in neurodivergent contexts.
My middle son is autistic & non-speaking and he's one of the clearest communicator I know.
"Use your words" is not always accessible for so many reasons, and that's ok. Spoken communication should not be the hold standard, because it's not as reliable as people make it out to be.
It is not about learning their language, it is about how detached or not we are from our own childhood. Do we remember, should we remember? Short answer: yes, we should, for the sake of future generations. And act accordingly.
Sometimes my grandson shouts at my daughter, "I want food!!!!" My inner urge is to say to him, "Ask Mummy nicely, say please." Its what I was told, and what I told his mother when she was small. But my daughter hears what he is saying and responds calmly and asks what he would like to eat. I am so proud of her. And, of course it's pasta. No salt. No sauce. With the right spoon.He chose the right mum.
I really liked reading this. The way you’ve told it feels very real, and it all comes through clearly. And the pasta order with its exact rules made me smile.
Thank you. I am learning so much from my daughter.
You are spot on as usual. The phrase can be compassionate and affirming or ableist and dismissive. The pendulum swing gives me whiplash and you’ve articulated it beautifully.
Yes, that swing is real. The same words can steady someone or silence them, and the piece came from trying to show how sharply that turn can land. Thank you.
My mother always said „only people who speak can be helped“ when I simply could not communicate with words. I wanted to speak even less when she said that phrase, because I wanted to speak when I want to. Not when I’m forced to.
…here I am 20 years later, never asking for any help and (surprise) having an autism diagnosis since 3 years.
And that should say gold not hold! Oops!
Beautifully written. Words matter but they're not THE most important aspect of communication, especially in neurodivergent contexts.
My middle son is autistic & non-speaking and he's one of the clearest communicator I know.
"Use your words" is not always accessible for so many reasons, and that's ok. Spoken communication should not be the hold standard, because it's not as reliable as people make it out to be.
It is not about learning their language, it is about how detached or not we are from our own childhood. Do we remember, should we remember? Short answer: yes, we should, for the sake of future generations. And act accordingly.